When approached mindfully, family transitions, such as legal separation and divorce, can be completed in a healthy, respectful and productive way.
The Mindful Process
When you commit to mindfulness throughout your divorce process, you are more likely to experience calmness, cooperation, and collaboration. You are also more likely to reach agreements that speak clearly to the unique needs of your family, and specifically, your children. Practicing mindfulness can help foster a healthier co-parenting relationship as well and can help you to avoid passing stress and tension on to your children.
In Arizona, divorce mediation is the vehicle for a mindful and healthy divorce. It is a neutral process, where an impartial mediator assists you both in reaching collaborative solutions, outside of a courtroom. After years of guiding spouses through the divorce mediation process, family mediators at The Aurit Center understand how best to help you reach your best possible agreements and obtain the most beneficial results.
By its very nature, mediation facilitates cooperation and collaboration. Mediators guide thoughtful conversations which allow parents to remain focused and to communicate in a considerate way. This healthy process allows spouses to be more aware of how they are feeling, how they are reacting, and how best to meet the needs of their children throughout this transition. Even in the face of intense disagreement and distrust, parents can remain mindful and have a successful mediation process that establishes agreements that speak to the best interests of their children.
Although consistent mindful awareness can be challenging, especially in the face of the negative emotions inherent in the divorce process, the guidance of a skilled mediator can make authentic mindfulness, throughout your entire process, a reality.
Sadly, in litigation, it is common for parents to find themselves so drained by their divorce that they forget what they value and want the most. They may even forget to remain focused on the best interests of their children. Parents can fall prey to the negativity and conflict inherent in the litigation process without the help of a guide, such as a professional divorce mediator, who is committed to helping them keep conflict low.
The Aurit Center is committed to lighting a path of peace and hope for families. We believe that healthy divorce is a choice and for parents who choose healthy divorce, we are here to help every step of the way. Our “Mindful Approach to Divorce” will help you to stay on a positive path forward.
Choosing How Best to Complete your Process
Going through litigation in the contentious courtroom environment can be dangerous. Research shows us that it is not the divorce itself that is harmful to children, but rather it is the conflict between their parents that can create emotional and psychological scars that aren’t quick to heal. The good news is – you have a choice. You can choose the supportive, collaborative problem-solving environment of mediation.
- Designating Time to Process – Your divorce doesn’t need to consume every minute of your day. Set aside specific times to think critically about and thoughtfully discuss your divorce. Establish separate times to work through your feelings, piece together a plan, and find solutions. Be kind to yourself and take steps to reduce stress wherever possible.
- Acknowledge Emotion – Practicing mindfulness involves maintaining conscious awareness of how you are experiencing each moment. Recognizing and accepting that whatever emotion you are experiencing is the first step. Navigating through the grief, often associated with divorce, becomes less difficult when you focus on accepting even the most trying emotions.Being mindful also entails being conscious of the fact that you are not in control of how others think or feel. However, you can acknowledge the control you have over your own actions and reactions. This awareness and control will allow you to continue to be respectful during difficult moments.
When we stop trying to control the experiences of others, we are free to fully listen and to accept their experiences or truths. We develop the ability to see their world through their eyes, even when it varies greatly from our own experience. This ability can enhance all of your relationships and can greatly impact how you co-parent your children in the future When your children can see their parent’s being respectful of one another, they can experience stability and joy.
- Is it a Want or a Need? – Do you know why kids, and some adults, fear the dark? It is because humans are innately wary of the unknown. It’s the dangers lurking beyond what we can see that intensifies our fear.Fears can stay with us, in one form or another, throughout our lives. Unfortunately, our fears tend to boil over during difficult times, such as divorce.
When you want something, you take a position, for example “I want $1,000.”
The reason for that position is an interest, for example, “I need $1,000 for rent.”You benefit greatly when your fears
do not keep you from properly expressing your interests.Focusing on your interests, rather than positions, is an effective way of finding creative and collaborative solutions. While your co-parent may be initially unwilling to give you $1,000 each month, they may be open to the idea of sending the same amount directly to your landlord. Staying mindful during the divorce process isn’t always easy, but it leads to creative and mutually-beneficial agreements. A skilled professional mediator can help you to stay focused and reach agreements as effectively as possible.
- Kindness to Yourself and Others – It is common during the divorce process to harsly blame and judge ourselves. You can put your energy into softening those harmful negative feelings and messages. You can recognize the discomfort that both you and your spouse are feeling and be delicate with those emotions. This will lead to higher quality agreements, better co-parenting, and kindness towards yourself and others.
Mediation provides a healthier option for completing your divorce process. Our mediators can help you complete your process successfully without undue conflict and stress. By remaining thoughtful and mindful, with the support of a skilled mediator, you and your spouse will reach agreements that ensure stability and security for both of you and your kids. Through this challenging transition, we are here to support both of you every step of the way.